My last couple of posts have been uncharacteristically dark– well, for me–, but with the warmer weather and a little “attitude of gratitude” (thanks, yoga mindset), I’m ready to return to my positive self.
Embracing the light, I have returned to my, in my own words, “offensively blonde” self and it feels so, so good. I realized immediately after how much more ME I feel. Hair color is such a shallow aspect of someone, but it is the hair color that suits me best and it’s good to be back 🙂
My wonderful, gregarious, selfless dad passed away five years ago on the 11th. I miss him so much year round, but with Father’s Day, the date of his death and his birthday (the 25th) all within a month of each other, it obviously makes this time a little trickier,
I take a lot of joy in the fact that I was named after him and I’m often told how much I am like him. I have a lot of sorrow in all he’s missed these past five years– and everything ahead he will not be able to witness (in the flesh at least). I so badly wish he knew my boyfriend, A, but I know without a doubt they would have been thick as thieves. Despite their difference in stature, the two men share many incredible traits.
It’s a time for tears, but also of gratitude at the sheer luck that he was MY dad. I wouldn’t trade more years with another father, that’s for sure. He taught me about working hard and a zest for life. A love of traveling (even locally) and trying new places. Enjoying beer and Cheez-Its. I also remember all the support of family and friends, both in those whirlwind first months to every year on the anniversary when I get the “thinking of you xo” texts that mean more than their senders can possibly know.
It’s a time to reflect on all I’ve done, accomplished and persevered through since he left this world– and there’s a lot. From a career I’m proud of to caring for my mother (he always told people he knew my sisters and I would take great care of her when he was gone) and all the highs and lows along the way. Whenever I would leave the house, he would always yell, ‘Pay attention!”, which cracked all my friends up. I know he’s looking over me and that he’s paying attention to all he loved.