Minor Pity Party

I pride myself on my positive nature, on my ability to see all that is wonderful about life outweighs all the hardships we face. In my 29 years, I’ve been far more blessed than not. But I have also had a lot of bumps in the road and the latest comes in finding out that my mother, my world, had to have two small brain tumors removed, but first let me back up. Twenty two years ago, she was diagnosed with breast cancer which had spread to her lymph nodes and the outlook wasn’t good. She was part of a chemo trial– and, against the odds, it worked. Seven years ago, we found out the cancer had metatastized to her spine. It has been well managed, very slow growing, and despite trips to MGH every three weeks for an infusion, she’s mainly continued living life as usual. Then about a month ago, two masses showed up on a scan, and we knew the odds were not in our favor. A week later, she was in for brain surgery, which thankfully went very well and two days ago she started twenty rounds of radiation.

My mother is a fighter, and truly the most selfless person I know. Never one to complain, her biggest concern is always the four of us. She has handled twenty plus years of cancer, overcome losing her father as a young child and being widowed at a young age. Now I have to believe she can pull it off again. But I’m scared out of my effing mind too. I have never wanted anything more in my life than many more years with her.

I know how important it is to have a positive frame of mind, even moreso in the face of difficulty, but I am finding it harder than usual. In addition to this, I have some other facets of my life that I’d like to change, so I just need to keep controlling what I can and trusting in what I cannot.

If you have a moment, whoever is reading this, please say a prayer/send light to my incredible mother. And if you have any prayer/light left over, please ask that I can see all the good again soon.